I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need a beard to bite.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
