its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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