When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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