I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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