threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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