Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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