I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sobbing to NWA
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
