Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
