Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Randomize
