No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
