boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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