I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
