wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
