I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
