I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
