please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
