is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
