New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
