ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
