Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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