Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
