So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
