Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
