They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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