bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
