I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wear drunk well.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
