Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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