Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
