2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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