Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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