and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
