Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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