i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
