just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
