Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
