apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
