It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
