Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
