I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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