Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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