dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
