do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
