just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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