oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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