he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How's work?
Spinning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
