Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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