i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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