Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
