dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
