Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
