I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
