That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
