Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
