he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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