There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
