but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
